No stitches, just platelets and will power
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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