It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
