then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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