Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
