girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
