Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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