Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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