At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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