YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
