Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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