I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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