you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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