So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
