Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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