Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
