Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
