just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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