I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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