im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
