so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
