Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
