I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
