Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
