I think my vagina is haunted
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
