If that was your dad, he is hot
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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