Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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