He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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