For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
