he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
