just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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