You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
