Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
