i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
