Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
