i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
