FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
