He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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