is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
