I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
