does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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