I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
