Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
