Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
