3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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