So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
