Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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