just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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