I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
