It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
