when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
