Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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