Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
