guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
