1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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