Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
