Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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