jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
