I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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