That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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