He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
