god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
