who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
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