His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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