I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
