your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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