hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
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We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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