Pappa wants mamma naked
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
