WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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