Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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