It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
