Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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