ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
