Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
