The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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