Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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