I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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