in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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