Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
