Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
